Pre-Op Appointment and Pureed Meats (aka: Sleeplessness and Gagging)

So very many thoughts on my mind this morning - couldn't even sleep past three a.m.

I have my Pre-Op appointment with my surgeon this morning.  I haven't been to the office since October and, even though I knew this date was coming, it feels like it snuck up on me.  I can't even find the paperwork they gave me to sign and turn in, which has me a little anxious (though I'm sure they can just give me another packet if I get there early enough.)

Just reviewed the Pre and Post Op Diet paperwork.  I had intended to start my Pre-Op diet today, but still find that I don't have everything I need to do so.  Plus, I only just decided to tell my close family members and friends about the surgery, and they are all requesting "one last meal" with me before surgery.  So, I made the decision to put off my Pre-Op diet till Monday.  I'm a little angry that I am not prepared yet, but it's still more than three weeks before surgery, so that should be okay.

As I sit here, cooling off after a very early morning shower looking over the diet paperwork I was given, it recommended I go to a Wikihow Page to learn how I need to prepare meat in order to puree it, so I thought I'd give it a glance.

Up till then, the puree meet part didn't bother me.  I mean, I eat hamburger and that's already ground up.  I already eat tuna and chicken salad, and that's practically mush.  How much worse can it be pureed?

Then I went to the Wikihow page and saw this:

*GAG*

Seriously...how disgusting does that look?  THAT'S CHICKEN, YA'LL!

*BLECH*

So sorry....I'm gonna need a minute...

That is almost enough to make me want to reconsider surgery.  I mean, maybe I was wrong?  Maybe the last 50 times I tried were a fluke and I can totally do this on my own, right?

But, then I think back over the things I've already said in my first four posts.  The pain and discomfort I am in.  My health.  My mom.  My determination for this to be different.  My realization that I am putting my body through a lot - both now and during surgery - and that I must be patient and disciplined if I am going to heal properly and get healthy.

So, yeah.  If I have to eat baby food and mushy, gloppy, pre-chewed meat for a couple of weeks, then so be it.

They say life is about balance.  About moderation.  Well, I ate whatever I wanted for 35 years, and now I must do whatever it takes to tip the scales back the other way.  It sure as hell doesn't look like it will be easy - but nothing worth having ever is.

LATER THAT DAY...

Waiting for my Pre-Op Appointment with my surgeon.
He reminds me of my brother, which makes it disturbing that I find him attractive...
"Sigmund Freud - Line Three."

So, I made it to my appointment a half an hour early and was able to get the documentation I was worried about.  Spent a good fifteen minutes reading over everything and initialing. There was also a True/False exam to prove I understood certain aspects of the surgery and post-op.

I'm happy to say I passed.

Went inside.  Got weighed.  Took my blood pressure.  Didn't share any of it with me, but I was too nervous to ask.  Caught up with the nurse, since it's been six months since my last appointment.

As soon as the nurse left, Pam came in.  I don't know what Pam does, to be honest.  But she was incredibly sweet, nice, outgoing and easy to talk to.

Actually, I love everyone at this office.  I think they put prozac in the coffee. Just sayin'.

Pam gives me a bunch of paperwork detailing the next month before surgery, surgery details, what to expect, post op, etc.  Basically, just a shit-ton of directions, dates and deadlines that I'm really, really glad were written down for me.  Then, she tells me to make a fist.  I do, and she says that my fist is approximately the current size of my stomach.  (I've seen how much food I can put away at meal time, and I'm pretty sure she's underestimating me.  But, I digress...)

Then, Pam gives me a keychain.

Pam explains, after surgery, that my stomach will be approximately the size of this keychain.  Can you believe that?  I mean, I'd heard it could only hold one egg but...seeing it in my hand like that...it's mind boggling.  Once again, it really stresses HOW CAREFUL I must be to take care of my new stomach.

But, on the other hand...I know now that I'm ready.  Remember how I said I'd put off surgery because the thought of not getting to each as much as I want of what I want whenever I wanted it?

If anything was going to trigger that fear/anxiety/depression, this would have been it.  Seeing this.  Holding it in my hand. Imagining what I could fit inside of it, and how very much I couldn't.

But instead, I was glad. I felt...relieved, almost.

I have a long way to go, but that's a pretty crucial step, ya know?

Before Pam left, I told her I had several questions and asked if I should ask her, or wait for the doctor.  When she advised I should wait for the doctor, I was terrified.  I honestly didn't remember much about him, and was worried he might become irritable or impatient with all the questions I had.  Pam assured me that he was absolutely wonderful and would love the fact that I had questions.

She was right. He was an absolute pleasure and pretty damn cute, too.

So, you might wonder what insight I gained through my questions.

• No, he is not able to record the procedure.  (What - I was curious!)
• No, I can not see the part of my stomach they remove because it has to go to pathology.  (Ugh - it's my stomach!  I should at least get a photo.)
• The staples used are made of titanium.  They do not come out and they are not removed.  Instead, the stomach forms scar tissue around them so that, in time, they won't be visible except as a tiny blip in xrays.  And no, they will not set off metal detectors.
• I was prepared to give up a lot of unhealthy things, but I was curious as to why caffeine was one of them.  The reason is that it makes your liver swell.  Since the liver lies over your stomach, it must be lifted during surgery for them to see and work.  A larger liver is not only heavier, but is harder to maneuver out of the way. In addition, caffeine is a diuretic and it is imperative that I am well hydrated at the time of surgery; especially given that it will be harder for me to swallow enough fluids afterwards.
• Given that there are no complications (like hernias that need to be repaired), surgery should last about one hour.
• I may go home as early as the next day, if not the day after that.  Walking around is encouraged.  I was concerned about climbing stairs at home, but he said that the only restrictions after surgery is what I ingest.  He said I could go back to work sooner, but that they suggest two weeks of recovery because most patients still have pain, discomfort and fatigue for at least two weeks. However, when I return to work, there is no reason to expect I will need to be on light duty.
• An interesting thing I did not know previously is that left shoulder pain may be experienced after surgery.  I forget the exact explanation he gave, but it has to do with the gas that is used to expand your abdominal cavity.  Yay - more pain to worry about.  *smirk*

So, there you have it.  Again, if you are interested in having Gastric Sleeve, or if you've already signed up but still have some questions, I hope you'll find some of this useful.

Please be kind.